Stay Vigilant

It’s that time again. On this day, millions of people gather together to remember the day they believe a man rose from the dead and walked the Earth once more. We celebrate this day and keep its memory fresh and alive, in hopes that it never happens again.

That’s right, it’s Zombie Awareness Day.

No mere mortal can resist!Now, it’s commonly thought that only one person rose from the dead on this day in the first century C.E., but according to early sources, this may not have been the case:

And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, and came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.
–Matthew 27:52-53

In fact, if the stories are to be believed, then the celebrated resurrectee himself, Jesus of Nazareth, had a history of working to raise the dead (Matthew 9:24, Luke 7:12-15, John 11:39-44). Like a first-century Herbert West or Victor Frankenstein, Jesus used his inhuman powers to bridge the uncrossable chasm between life and death, in preparation for his own eventual return from that undiscovered country.

Now, I don’t necessarily think those stories are credible, but I do think they provide a clear warning for us: the Zombie Apocalypse could happen any day, so you must always be ready to take up arms and fight against the undead menace.

So, you may be asking yourself how you can best celebrate today. Well, you’re in luck, because I’ve compiled an incomplete list of appropriate Zombie Awareness Day activities:

  • Walk around your local malls, shopping centers, and hospitals, determining the best places to hole up in the event of Zombie Apocalypse.
  • Clean your shotguns, sharpen your machetes, polish your cricket bats, and check through all your stockpiled ammunition and canned goods.
  • Study one of the many informative and prophetic texts on the subject, such as Max Brooks’ “Zombie Survival Guide” and “World War Z,” or Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.”
  • Watch one of the numerous documentaries or cautionary films on the subject, from the classic “Night of the Living Dead” to the more contemporary “Shaun of the Dead” “Dance of the Dead,” and “Army of Darkness.”
  • Sing along with some of the traditional holiday songs.
  • Test your survival skills with one of the various video game simulators, such as “Left 4 Dead,” “Dead Rising,” and the Nazi Zombie levels of “Call of Duty: World at War.”

That ought to keep you suitably busy on this most important of holidays. As always, stay vigilant, and shoot for the head!

Just a reminder…

Don’t forget, Ted Haggard…

Happy Zombie Awareness Day! Remember, shoot for the head!