An incomplete list of things I don’t know

  • The musical term for the rising inflection/voice cracking thing that you often hear singers do in Irish music, such as at the end of nearly every line in the Cranberries’ “Zombie.”
  • Where to find honey-roasted walnuts, outside of Steak ‘n’ Shake salads.
  • Why anyone in their right minds would name a cemetery “Resurrection Cemetery.” That’s just begging for a zombie invasion.

Continuing that last thought

The newest JREF newsletter references a French-made spray which claims to protect your skin from the aging effects of cell phone radiation. Now, if you were advertising such a fallacy-ridden product, how might you start your promo? Something like this, perhaps?

If electromagnetic waves can penetrate walls, imagine what they can do to your skin.

Sounds like Dove’s got some competition in the “terrible logic” arena. At least EM waves can have damaging effects on the skin; the radiation produced by cell phones, however, not so much.

Interchangable Arguments

So, there’s this new Dove commercial I keep seeing, wherein they make the claim that Dove isn’t soap. As if that’s not shocking enough, here’s the argument that precedes that claim:

If soap can dry itself, imagine what it can do to your skin.

Yeahbuhwha? That’s easily one of the dumbest arguments I’ve ever heard on an advertisement.

First, does this mean that Dove, not being soap, and not having the nasty effects that soap does, doesn’t dry itself? Is a Dove bar perpetually wet from the moment you lather it up the first time? Do you have to dry it off with a towel? Or does it dry itself sitting in the soapdish after you shut the faucet off?

And second, and more egregiously, how many things can you reasonably replace “soap” with in that argument? How about “if a towel can dry itself, imagine what it can do to your skin”? After all, my towel dries while hanging on the bar after my shower; maybe it can dry my skin out too. And what about “if your clothes can dry themselves, imagine what they can do to your skin”? I mean, most of us put our clothes in the dryer, but they can dry just as well on a clothesline or hanging on a drying rack. Or, better yet, “if your skin can dry itself, imagine what it can do to your skin!” I mean, I’ve dripped-dry before, who hasn’t? What if my skin is making my skin dry and filmy?

I realize that commercials are designed to convince you to buy their products, but can’t they be convincing and logically valid?