Reductio ad Shaquillum
May 16, 2009 3 Comments
I can conceive of a universe which is greater than all possible universes. If there is a maximally perfect being (God), then he would necessarily have made the greatest conceivable universe.
A universe which has Shaquille O’Neal movies in it is necessarily less great than a universe which does not have Shaquille O’Neal movies in it.
Since this universe has Shaquille O’Neal movies in it, I can conceive of a greater universe. Therefore, since this is not the greatest conceivable universe, it must not have been created by a maximally perfect god.
–The Kazaam Cosmological Argument*.
*Okay, all right, it’s an Ontological Argument, so the name’s not accurate, but the pun wouldn’t work otherwise. I tried the other way, but wrote myself into a corner somewhere after “Shaquille O’Neal’s acting career began to exist.” Now, given the quick annihilation of said career, it’s possible that it was just a virtual career, part of normal career vacuum fluctuations…
Dubito Ergo Sum 
I think it would be stronger if it involved Shaquille O’Neal video games instead of movies, but then you’d lose any semblance of a clever title pun.
I’m thinking about buying all the copies of Shaq Fu at the local Game Exchange. I need to think of something creative to do to them.
Ours hasn’t had any for a while. I’ve been itching to LIBERATE another with yet more flamethrowing tank fireworks, but no dice.