A Toast to the Happy Couple

A few months back, a friend and co-worker of mine told me about a ceremony she was going to attend, where she (and others) would become metaphorical “brides of Christ.”
I held my tongue at the time (and boy, was that difficult), but here for your reading pleasure is an incomplete list of replies I thought of:

• Must be a hell of a pre-nup.
• So if you get divorced, does that mean you get half of his stuff?
• When you consummate the marriage, is it regular sex or a foursome?
• Where’s the honeymoon?
• So will the reception have an open bar, or just shot glasses of water?
• Allowing ancient zombies to marry is a threat to traditional marriage.
• Have you started talking about kids yet?
• I’ll bet that first dinner with the parents was awkward.
• When you dance at the reception, will you still have to leave room for him?
• What did he do for his bachelor party?

Feel free to add your own!