A Toast to the Happy Couple

A few months back, a friend and co-worker of mine told me about a ceremony she was going to attend, where she (and others) would become metaphorical “brides of Christ.”
I held my tongue at the time (and boy, was that difficult), but here for your reading pleasure is an incomplete list of replies I thought of:

  • Must be a hell of a pre-nup.
  • So if you get divorced, does that mean you get half of his stuff?
  • When you consummate the marriage, is it regular sex or a foursome?
  • Where’s the honeymoon?
  • So will the reception have an open bar, or just shot glasses of water?
  • Allowing ancient zombies to marry is a threat to traditional marriage.
  • Have you started talking about kids yet?
  • I’ll bet that first dinner with the parents was awkward.
  • When you dance at the reception, will you still have to leave room for him?
  • What did he do for his bachelor party?

Feel free to add your own!

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