Some recent searches

I haven’t been keeping close track, but this bunch from the last couple of weeks seemed pretty postworthy.

  • Lots of people searching for variants on “rick warren colbert” and “atheist fundamentalist”. In short: Rick’s the doofus, and he keeps using that word, but I do not think it means what he thinks it means.
  • “Anything Involving harps” requests a reader from Finland. I prefer anything involving harp seals.
  • “how can human eye be redesigned to get rid of blind spot” Put the retina up front, don’t run vessels through it.
  • “fear of vacuum cleaners” Ah, Hooverphobia. Bane of dogs everywhere.
  • A Romanian reader wants “video fred zugibe”. Ask, and it is given:
  • An Iowa reader needs a “great bible verse for grandpa’s funeral”. The cynic in me wants to recommend something like Malachi 2:3, but hey, I know how hard it is listening to shitty eulogies for people you love. Stay away from Psalm 23, and if you’re going to use Ecclesiastes, do it sparingly, and don’t fall into the usual “a time to live, a time to die” stuff. There’s more to the book than the first ten verses of chapter 3, for instance:

    1:4-7 “One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh: but the earth abideth for ever
    The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to his place where he arose.
    The wind goeth toward the south, and turneth about unto the north; it whirleth about continually, and the wind returneth again according to his circuits.
    All the rivers run into the sea; yet the sea is not full; unto the place from whence the rivers come, thither they return again.”
    8:15 “Then I commended mirth, because a man hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry: for that shall abide with him of his labour the days of his life, which God giveth him under the sun.”
    9:11-12 “I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.
    For man also knoweth not his time: as the fishes that are taken in an evil net, and as the birds that are caught in the snare; so are the sons of men snared in an evil time, when it falleth suddenly upon them.”

    There’s some decent stuff in Proberbs 13, and here:

    31:6-7 “Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.
    Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.

    And I’ve always liked this bit from the Sermon on the Mount. It’s terrible advice for the real world, but it’s a nice metaphor if you believe in a pleasant afterlife.

    Matthew 6:28-34 “And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
    And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
    Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
    Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
    (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
    But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
    Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

    My condolences.

  • “sex education position movie” It will be a fantastic day when sex education includes instruction on positions.
  • I’ve gotten a few searches for variations on “a person is a person no matter how small t shirts” and even an “Augustana Right to Life” from my alma mater. To the former: Dr. Seuss was pro-abortion rights, and anti-abortion folks really ought to stop using his words to support a position he disagreed vehemently with. “Horton Hears a Who” was about the atomic bomb–you know, a threat to actual factual full-grown people, as opposed to your precious “potential humans.” To the person searching about ARTL: they’re a sad group of people with no debate skills and even less science knowledge. If you’re affiliated with them, I pity you.
  • “martin luther king go forth and multiply” Um, I’m afraid he can neither hear your request nor follow through with it.
  • “do not mourn for me” The first thing I thought of when I saw that was the Shakespeare Sonnet it’s loosely quoting. The second was this:

Also, much as I like Debbyo, I’m a little disappointed at the response to my meme post. Once the weekend’s over, I might be forced to start tagging people…

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